I’ve had a few people ask me if I’d help mediate between family members where there has been a communication miss with significant pain.
Mediation is beyond the scope of HOLD. However, here’s what I can offer: when attempting to do repair work, it helps if BOTH people are ready to accept the reality of AND.
What does that mean? It means that there’s an openness in both people that what you thought/felt AND what the other person thought/felt are equally true. In other words, become curious to know what the other person experienced.
Further, become curious about what you made up in your mind, and what they made up in theirs.
Brené Brown has written about this phenomenon, if you want to learn more. Her example of swimming with her husband and their “rumble“ is a perfect example. You can get a quick synopsis here: https://www.mamamia.com.au/brene-brown-netflix-husband/amp/
It also helps if both people are practicing the C.O.R.E. of listening (see prior HOLD blog posts for an in depth look). When both people are centered, hoping for the same outcome, are relating to each other and empathizing well, connections can strengthen.