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Letting Your Teen Learn

If your teen is frustrating you, pause for a moment and think about what they really understand about the thing you want them to do. Obviously we're NOT talking about taking out the garbage here!

But consider some of the more adult tasks you're asking them to step into. I'll give you an example.

I wanted my kids to be able to handle making phone calls on their own. I'm certain they have watched and heard me do this. No question. So next I helped them by writing notes that they could use to get through the call on their own. We talked through what to expect on the call, the questions they should be prepared to answer. We did this for a couple of types of calls. Next they gave it a try and I supported them through it. And the final step, I reinforced that I'm available if they have questions in the future, but *I let go* and trust they have it.

In psychology, this is known as "scaffolding." You are giving them the structure to build on. If you start with these steps first, you'll be able to adequately assess the resistance causing your frustration.

Here it is broken down for you visually:

1. Do it for them—They watch you

2. Do it with them

3. Watch and support while they do it. Be sure to reinforce what they got right before you give them tips about what they can do better next time.

4. Step out of their way.

And please remember, if you need someone to vent that frustration to, I'm ready to listen.

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