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Love the Child You Have (not the one you think you have)

Updated: Jan 30, 2023

Decades later, this one is a bit easier to do, simply because I know more about the child I have.

When we first became parents, my husband and I had a number of logical, if wrong, expectations.

We assumed when the doctor said, “It’s a boy!” that we had a son. So – we raised and loved a son.

We assumed the drive to be vertical and walk was “boy” and also attributed the later talking to that. I assumed a conversation my child and I had at two and a half was classic Freudian fear of losing a part of her (it was the potty training days.) We assumed her developmental path as she barreled through some milestones, lolligagged at others, was just part of her quirks.

It was decades later, we learned she has ADHD - the inattentive variety. It was less than a year after that that we learned she is transgender, that she had been a girl all along. When I look back, I see some things that come into better focus peering through these particular lenses.

I loved her then, and I love her now. I just wish I could have seen who she truly was back when.

NOTE: My daughter has given me her express permission to mention her and these items here.

and remember, if you need a listener, you can book with HOLD at

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