Acceptance

Prefer to listen to this blog in my voice? The audio player is just above.

This morning, someone responded to one of my offers with, “Oh yeah, charge people for their struggles… that’ll help.” It got under my skin. Not in a dramatic way, but in that quiet, lingering way where your mind keeps returning to it. There was a sting in being misunderstood—especially when what I’m trying to do is use the skills I have to help people and, yes, also pay my bills.

I sat with it for a moment. And then I remembered something important. They’re allowed to think that. I’m not for everyone. And still… it stung a little. That’s often where acceptance begins—not in pretending something doesn’t bother you, but in noticing that it does.

What Acceptance Actually Means

Acceptance isn’t about liking everything that happens. It’s not about agreeing with someone’s behavior or telling yourself you shouldn’t feel the way you do. It’s about allowing reality to be what it is, without adding extra resistance on top of it. Someone said something I didn’t like. That’s true. I felt something in response. That’s also true. Acceptance is what keeps that moment from turning into something that lingers much longer than it needs to.

Why Certain Moments Stick With Us

When something gets under your skin, it usually means it touched something real. It might be a value you care about, something you’ve worked hard on, or a place where you want to be understood. In those moments, the mind tries to make sense of it. It replays what was said, builds a case, and imagines what you could say back. Before long, the moment has passed—but your mind hasn’t. That’s where acceptance becomes useful.

A Small Shift That Can Help

One idea that has helped me over time is something I learned from Abraham Hicks—looking for positive aspects. Not in a forced or unrealistic way, just enough to soften the edge. Sometimes that starts very simply. This person is allowed to have their opinion. This brought something up in me that I can look at.

In the situation this morning, I could also recognize something else: I care deeply about what I do. That’s why it landed. And I can appreciate that—even if I don’t appreciate the comment.

When It’s Not Just a Passing Moment

Admittedly, acceptance and love get harder when the person shows up at your dinner table, or you interact with them at work on a daily basis rather than reading a simple comment on social media. I have had that experience, and I would be amazed if I ever talked with someone who hadn’t.

Those situations can feel more personal, more persistent, and harder to step away from. The interaction isn’t a one-time moment—it’s ongoing. And that can make the emotional response stronger.

But the same process still applies.

At some point, the question becomes: What can I find about this person to love?

That doesn’t mean everything about them feels lovable. It doesn’t mean you ignore what’s difficult. It simply means you’re choosing to look for something—anything—that softens your resistance.

Sometimes it’s a quality you can respect. Sometimes it’s the role they’ve played in your life. Sometimes it’s simply recognizing that they, too, are doing the best they can from their own perspective.

That shift doesn’t change them.

But it changes your experience of being around them.

Acceptance Doesn’t Mean Agreement

Acceptance does not mean you agree with someone. It doesn’t mean you excuse behavior or decide everything is fine. It simply means you stop fighting the fact that it happened. You can accept that someone sees things differently than you do and still hold your own perspective. You can accept that someone may not understand your intentions and still continue doing work that feels meaningful to you.

When It’s Hard to Find Anything Positive

There are times when finding something good feels easy, and there are times when it doesn’t. In those harder moments, the “positive aspect” might be very small. You might simply notice that you’re aware of how something affects you, or that you’re learning to pause instead of react. Even choosing not to carry something longer than you need to is a meaningful shift. That is often enough to begin stepping out of the mental loop.

What Difficult Interactions Can Show Us

I’ve found that even difficult interactions tend to show me something. Sometimes they show me where I’m still sensitive. Sometimes they show me what I value. Sometimes they show me where I need a clearer boundary. And sometimes, they simply give me the opportunity to practice not holding on. That doesn’t make the moment pleasant, but it can make it useful.

Acceptance and Boundaries Can Exist Together

Acceptance doesn’t mean you make yourself available for everything. You can accept someone’s perspective and still choose how you engage. You can decide what you respond to, what you ignore, and where you place your energy.

In fact, acceptance often makes boundaries easier, because you’re no longer reacting from the heat of the moment. You’re choosing from a calmer place. If you’d like to explore that idea further, you can read more about setting and honoring boundaries here:
https://www.hearingoutlifedrama.com/blog/boundaries

Finding Your Way Back to Neutral

Not every moment needs to become something bigger. Sometimes acceptance simply sounds like, “That happened. I didn’t love it. And I’m moving on.” There’s a quiet kind of freedom in that, because the situation doesn’t have to change for you to feel better.

When It Feels Hard to Let Go

Some moments are harder to move through than others. If you find yourself replaying something over and over or feeling stuck in frustration with someone, it can help to talk it out. A confidential listening appointment offers a space to say everything you’re thinking and feeling—without judgment, without advice, and without needing to filter. Sometimes just being heard is enough to loosen the grip of the moment.

You can learn more about booking a listening appointment here:
https://www.hearingoutlifedrama.com/book-online 

Written by Deb Porter, founder of HOLD | Hearing Out Life Drama—a space for calm, confidential listening and real emotional clarity.