Second in this series of “Don’ts” is the “Scolder or Judger.”
Imagine you made a minor mistake at work, and your boss came down on you, hard. Really hard. Disproportionately so. You’re ticked, and want to vent. After all, you can’t exactly do anything without risking your job. You share what happens with your spouse, and they want to go guns a-blazing for your boss. They want him to pay! This stresses you, and makes you need to dial the Listener response back. “I can’t do that – I’ll lose my job! It’s okay, no worries. I mean, I did screw up.” You aren’t going to feel better. That level of stress just ramped up, not down!
Or maybe they say, “Well, you were in the wrong. Don’t whine about the response you got.” You know that, but also know the response was disproportionate. That’s why you need to vent – so you can let it go. That Listener response doesn’t allow for the freedom to release the negative feelings you had.
Honestly, when have we ever walked away from a conversation when we felt judged and thought “Oh, I felt so loved!” Now that you are aware of this pitfall, we are sure you will do your best to avoid it, too!
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