Giving Ourselves the Grace to Just Stop

Guest Blog Written by Nicolette Lazarus, founder of Womanship — a safe, supportive space where women connect, Share more. Worry less. Womanship brings together verified health and wellness professionals, trusted content, and restorative events to help women navigate life’s big transitions with care and community.

A few years ago, I had lunch with a friend who was going through what can only be described as a perfect storm. Her relationship was imploding, her stress levels at work were through the roof, she had recently lost her mother and, unsurprisingly, she was struggling to "hold it all together."

To me, it was clear she needed to stop, take a break, and reset. Anything that would help her find steady ground again. But she just could not see it.

As a friend, I could see the cracks. She was putting on a brave face for the outside world, but privately she admitted she felt like she had no choice but to keep pushing through. All the while, the strain was taking a serious toll on her health, emotional well-being, and relationships with her partner and friends.

I gently held up a metaphorical mirror so she could really see what she was going through. To her credit, she recognised the truth in what she saw reflected back at her.

She finally admitted she was not just on the edge but well over it.

I suggested she see her doctor immediately, skip work the next day, and take some time off to address everything before it spiraled completely out of control. She agreed.

But what she said next completely floored me.

She opened her diary and started mapping out when she could "schedule" her burnout.

“Well, next week I have an important presentation, the week after that it is our team's away days, and then there is the big pitch for investment,” she said. “Maybe in about four weeks, I can see the doctor and take a bit of time off.”

I think my face said it all.

This was a smart, capable, and compassionate woman. 

She was the kind of manager who would notice if someone on her team was struggling long before they reached breaking point and she would be the first to encourage them to rest. Yet, when it came to herself, she could not give herself that same grace.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

This experience has stayed with me, not just because of her struggle, but because of how many of us, as women, fall into the same pattern. We push through exhaustion, often driven by the stories we have told ourselves for years.

"I should not take up space."
"Vulnerability is dangerous."
"I am not valuable unless I achieve __."
"I have to do it alone."
"Work is supposed to be hard, and only hard work is valuable."
"I do not deserve help."
"I do not belong."

I have always believed in the positive power of storytelling, how sharing our experiences can connect us, foster understanding, and remind us that we are not alone. But lately, I have been reflecting on the flip side: the stories we tell ourselves when we are struggling, feeling isolated, or completely burned out.

These negative stories can deepen our stress, fuel burnout, and prevent us from asking for the help we need. But here is the truth: they are not facts. They are fears, doubts, and expectations shaped by societal pressures, past experiences, and that relentless little voice in our heads that tells us we are not good enough.

Why Stress Is Not Just an Inconvenience

We often dismiss stress as a normal part of life, but the truth is, chronic stress is a killer. While it might not appear on a death certificate, stress plays a significant role in health complications like heart disease, immune dysfunction, and mental health disorders.

Consider this:

• 75% to 90% of doctor’s visits are related to stress.
• Chronic stress increases our risk of heart attacks and strokes by raising blood pressure and cholesterol.
• Long-term stress weakens our immune system, leaving us more vulnerable to illnesses, even cancer.

Stress might not feel as urgent as a broken bone or a high fever, but its impact is just as serious. That is why giving ourselves the grace to pause and address stress is essential, not indulgent.

Your Reminder to Pause

If this resonates with you, let me be the friend who holds up the mirror: you do not have to do it all. It is okay to stop, to rest, and to ask for help.

If this resonated with you, join the platform to explore upcoming sessions, connect with others, and feel a little less alone.