Speak Up: Why Self-Advocacy Matters More Than Ever
Nov 23, 2025
Part 1 of a 2-part series on speaking up for yourself and the people you love
Self-advocacy isn’t always loud. It isn’t always polished. And it isn’t always easy.
But in a world where it’s all too common to shrink yourself to avoid conflict, learning how to advocate for yourself—calmly, clearly, and confidently—is important.
Maybe you’ve kept quiet in a meeting because you didn’t want to rock the boat.
Maybe you’ve smiled through a family gathering when someone crossed a line.
Maybe you’ve swallowed frustration at work, knowing you’d pay for pushing back.
You're not alone. Self-advocacy is hard—especially when emotions are high or relationships are complex. And yet:
You deserve to be heard.
Your needs are valid.
And your voice matters.
Let’s look at what self-advocacy really means, why it’s worth practicing (even when it feels uncomfortable), and how to take those first steps—even in difficult relationships.
What Is Self-Advocacy?
At its core, self-advocacy means speaking up for what you need or believe, in a way that respects both yourself and the people around you. It’s not about dominating a conversation or demanding your way. It’s about clearly stating your boundaries, concerns, or values—especially when it matters most.
Self-advocacy might look like telling a coworker that you need more time on a project, not because you’re lazy, but because quality matters to you. It might look like asking a partner to respect your need for quiet time after a stressful day. It might be letting your friend know that a certain joke or behavior crosses a line.
In all of these moments, the goal isn’t to “win.” It’s to be understood.
Because being understood is where connection begins.
Why We Struggle to Advocate for Ourselves
If you’ve ever felt shaky, guilty, or like a burden for speaking up, you’re not imagining it.
Many of us were taught—directly or indirectly—to avoid “making a scene.”
To be easygoing.
To put others first.
To not stir up conflict.
And while flexibility and compassion are beautiful traits, they can become barriers when we’ve learned to stay silent even when something is hurting us.
Add in the dynamics of power—a boss, an elder, a partner with a stronger voice—and it can feel downright terrifying to say, “I need something to change.”
What Happens When We Don’t Speak Up
The longer we stay quiet, the more pressure builds.
Resentment simmers. Exhaustion grows.
And suddenly, what started as a whisper becomes an explosion—or a total shutdown.
I’ve listened to hundreds over the years who were carrying the weight of unsaid words. They weren’t looking for someone to tell them what to do. They were looking for space to find their own voice again.
Because here’s the cost of silence:
–Emotional burnout from over-giving or being misunderstood.
–Physical stress symptoms from swallowing frustration.
–Eroded self-trust from not honoring your own boundaries.
–Relationship strain that could’ve been softened by one honest conversation.
When we speak up with clarity and compassion, we make room for healing—both inside ourselves and in our relationships.
The First Steps Toward Self-Advocacy
Self-advocacy is a skill. That means it’s learnable. And like any skill, it gets easier with practice.
If you’re new to speaking up, here are some places to start:
- Get clear on what you need.
Before saying anything out loud, take time to ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
What do I need right now?
What’s the outcome I hope for?
Self-advocacy often starts with self-awareness. When you know your “why,” the “how” gets easier. - Practice small moments of honesty.
You don’t have to start with the hardest conversation of your life.
Begin with gentle honesty in everyday situations.
“I’m actually not available tonight.”
“I’d prefer not to share that.”
“I need a little more time.”
Every time you speak from your center, you reinforce your right to be heard. - Use calm, specific language.
Instead of accusations like “You never help,” try naming your experience and request.
“I’m feeling overwhelmed by this project. Can we revisit the deadlines together?”
Or: “When meetings run over, I struggle to pick up my kids on time. Can we stick to the agreed schedule?”
It’s amazing how disarming clarity and kindness can be. - Let go of needing the perfect words.
You don’t have to say it flawlessly. You just have to say it.
Simply speak from your truth.
Self-Advocacy Isn’t Selfish
This is worth repeating: Self-advocacy is not selfish.
It’s not rude.
It’s not dramatic.
It’s how we build mutual respect.
It’s how we prevent burnout.
It’s how we teach others how to treat us.
And perhaps most importantly—it’s how we stay connected to our own values, needs, and voice.
When the Stakes Are High
Sometimes, advocating for yourself isn’t just about comfort. It’s about survival.
I’ve worked with people who had to challenge toxic workplace dynamics, speak up during legal processes, set boundaries in abusive or manipulative relationships, advocate for their own medical care when symptoms were being ignored.
These aren’t small things. They take courage.
And they often take support.
Learn the Skills to Be Heard
In my Listen Your Way to Deeper Connections course, there’s a whole module on Speaking to Be Heard—because it’s not just what you say that matters. It’s how you say it, and whether you feel emotionally grounded when you do.
We go over how to stay centered in hard conversations, how to frame your words so they’re more likely to land, and how to recover when things don’t go the way you hoped.
If you want to grow your self-advocacy skills in a safe, supported way, that course might be a perfect fit.
Looking Ahead: Advocating for Someone You Love
This post is Part 1 of a two-part series. Next week, we’ll look at what it means to advocate for someone else—especially in health-related situations or emotionally charged family dynamics.
Because sometimes, your voice isn’t just for you.
It’s for the person who can’t speak up right now—and needs someone in their corner.
➡️ Read Part 2: Health Advocacy: How to Speak Up for Someone You Love →
(Link will go live when published.)
If You Need a Place to Sort It Out
If you’re facing a high-stakes situation, know this: You don’t have to go it alone.
Talking it through with someone who’s trained to listen—without giving advice or judging—can help you find clarity and courage. And that’s what HOLD is here for.
If you’re feeling stuck—unsure what to say or how to begin—a confidential listening appointment can help. This isn’t therapy. It’s trained support for the emotional side of life. Schedule 15, 30 or 45 minutes to say what you’ve been holding in, without judgment or pressure. And walk away lighter, clearer, and more prepared to speak up for yourself.
