Young Adults Setting Boundaries: Why It Matters—and How to Support It

My daughter and I were talking recently about possible blog topics, and she casually mentioned one that lit up something in me:

“Honestly, Mom, I think a lot of young adults are trying to figure out how to set boundaries.”

She’s right.

I’ve seen it in conversations with friends, clients, and my own kids. More and more young adults are learning to claim their space—physically, emotionally, and relationally. They want to stay kind. They want to stay connected. But they also want to feel free to be themselves, without constantly accommodating everyone else’s needs.

And the truth is—this is a completely normal part of becoming an adult.

We all go through it, though not all of us were supported when we did.

So if you’re a young adult wondering whether it’s okay to speak up, or a Gen-X parent wondering how to support the boundary-setting that's emerging in your relationship, this is for you.

Let’s talk about how to meet those moments—with grace, curiosity, and compassion on both sides.

Boundaries Aren’t a Rejection—They’re a Milestone

Whether you’re the one setting the boundary or the one hearing it, let’s reframe what it means.

Boundaries are not a form of rejection. They’re a form of growth.

When someone says, “I don’t want to talk about that right now,” or “Please don’t stop by unannounced,” or “I’d like to make this decision on my own,” it’s not that they love you less—it’s that they are learning to love and trust themselves more.

It takes courage to speak up for what you need. Especially if you've spent your life trying to be agreeable, helpful, or invisible.

Boundaries are about self-awareness. They’re about knowing where you end and someone else begins. And they’re essential for healthy adult relationships—between friends, partners, and yes, even parents and kids.

A Story From My Life: When My Son Set a Boundary

I still remember the day my son moved into his apartment. I had helped him move in, and I assumed I’d be welcome to visit once he was settled.

But then he said something clear and kind.

He told me—gently, but firmly—that he preferred I not stop by.

Not because he didn’t love me.

But because he needed space. He wanted his home to feel like his. To figure out who he was on his own, without anyone “checking in.”

Did it sting a little? Sure.

But did I honor it? Absolutely.

Because even though I miss seeing him more, I know this boundary isn’t about pushing me away—it’s about making space for him to grow. And that was always my goal as a parent: to raise someone who could trust his voice and own his choices.

For Parents: What Boundaries Need Most Is Listening

If you’re a parent of a young adult, the best thing you can do isn’t to explain or fix.

It’s to listen.

To say, “I hear you.”

To say, “That makes sense.”

To say, “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

And then? Let that be enough.

You may feel sadness or uncertainty as your role shifts. That’s okay. But those feelings are yours to carry—not your child’s job to fix. The more you show up steady in ways that are wanted, the more your child learns it’s safe to keep being honest.

For Young Adults: It’s Okay to Speak Your Truth

If you’re in the thick of learning how to set boundaries, please hear this:

You are allowed.

You are not selfish for asking for space.
You are not difficult for saying no.
You are not wrong for wanting your needs respected.

It might feel scary or awkward at first—that’s normal. Every new skill does. But setting boundaries isn’t about being harsh. It’s about being clear. It’s about giving yourself permission to take up space and to be known.

Start small. Start true. And let your confidence grow with you.

When You Support Boundaries, You Support Growth

Whether you’re the one establishing a boundary or the one receiving it, you’re part of something important.

You’re part of making healthy adult relationships possible.

You’re part of building trust—within yourself and with others.

You’re part of choosing connection over control.

When we respond to boundaries with love and steadiness, we create room for mutual respect, for deeper trust, and for the kind of closeness that doesn’t require constant compromise.

Listening Is What Keeps Us Close

At HOLD, we believe everyone deserves to be heard—without being judged, fixed, or talked out of their truth. That includes you. That includes your adult child. That includes anyone still learning how to say, “This is who I am. And this is what I need.”

You don’t have to have all the right words. You just have to be present.

Because listening is the bridge that keeps us connected—even when things are changing.

If you want to go deeper into how to support these conversations with confidence and compassion, explore our course: Listen Your Way to Deeper Connections. It includes a bonus lesson on Speaking to Be Heard—a valuable tool for anyone learning how to stay present when boundaries come into play.

Wishing you clarity, connection, and the courage to keep showing up—for yourself and for the people you love.