Health Advocacy—How to Speak Up for Someone You Love

Part 2 of a 2-part series on speaking up for yourself and the people you love

It started with a hospital tray.

My ex-husband has a rare genetic condition called MCAD. His body doesn’t process fat for energy like most people, so he requires a strictly low-fat diet.

During our marriage, I learned just how important that diet was—especially in medical settings. I remember one hospital stay when they delivered his meal tray, and every single item on it was high in fat.

Not one thing on the plate was safe for him to eat.  I remember my internal outrage at the macaroni and cheese.

We knew his dietary restrictions. The hospital had been told. But somewhere in the system, the message hadn’t made it through.

I remember the sinking feeling in my chest. This wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. I was tired. He was tired. And yet, here we were—again—faced with a choice: stay silent, or speak up.

It’s not easy to advocate for someone you love. Especially in a system that doesn’t always listen the first time.

Eventually, I learned to adapt. I started packing a list of approved meals in our hospital go-bag. I’d hand it to the admitting nurse, explain calmly what he could and couldn’t eat, and ask for it to be added to his chart right away. Sometimes it worked beautifully. Sometimes I still had to speak up again and again.

But I never regretted speaking up.

Because health advocacy matters. It can change outcomes. Protect dignity. Bring comfort. And remind someone they’re not alone.

Whether you’re sitting in appointments, navigating care plans, or just trying to help someone feel safe in a system that overwhelms them, this post is for you.

What Does It Really Mean to Advocate?

Health advocacy means standing up for the person you love when they’re vulnerable, overwhelmed, or simply not being heard.

It’s asking questions—even when the room feels rushed. It’s slowing things down so everyone understands. It’s making sure the person in the bed, in the chair, in the chart—is seen and honored as a human being.

Advocacy doesn’t always mean conflict. At its best, it builds bridges between patients and providers. But when things go sideways, your voice might be the one that rights the course.

Why It’s So Hard to Speak Up Sometimes

Even when you know someone well, even when you care deeply—it can still feel hard to speak up on their behalf.

Maybe you:

• Don’t want to offend the medical team
  
  
• Feel unsure of your role or your “right” to speak
  
  
• Worry you’re overreacting
  
  
• Can’t find the words fast enough in the moment
  
  
• Are simply too exhausted to keep pushing
  
  

All of that is normal.

But here’s what’s also true: the emotional intensity of a health crisis doesn’t mean you’re powerless. In fact, your calm, steady presence might be the very thing someone else is counting on.

What Happens When No One Advocates

In my work as a professional listener, I’ve sat with people who were discharged too soon, who were given treatments without explanation, who were talked over, brushed aside, or told they were “too emotional” to participate in decisions.

They often leave those experiences carrying a weight that’s heavier than the diagnosis.

Sometimes, they didn’t even realize they could speak up. Sometimes, they were too tired. Or scared. Or had tried before and been shut down.

That’s when a loving advocate can make all the difference.

Even a single question, asked with confidence and care, can shift the energy in the room. It can turn a dismissive glance into a real conversation. It can bring clarity to a moment that feels cloudy and overwhelming.

One Section, One Anchor: How to Advocate for a Loved One

When the moment comes and you need to advocate for someone else, these are a few things that can keep you grounded:

• Stay connected to their values. The person you’re supporting might prioritize comfort, clarity, or fighting for every possible outcome. Let their voice be the compass—even if they can’t use it right now.
  
  
• Ask for what you need with calm clarity. You don’t have to be aggressive to be effective. “Can you explain that again using simpler terms?” or “We’re going to take a minute before deciding” are both powerful ways to reset a rushed moment.
  
  
• Keep track in writing. In emotionally intense appointments, things get missed. Notes help you remember what was said, what’s next, and who said what. Also, I highly recommend that you write your questions ahead so when the medical staff are there–you’re ready.
  
  
• Slow the pace when needed. If the room feels like it’s moving too fast, ask for a pause. Even 60 seconds to breathe can bring clarity.
  
  
• Repeat back what you heard. It helps confirm understanding and avoids future missteps. Try, “So the next step is this… is that correct?”
  
  
• Be willing to speak up more than once. Advocacy isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a practice of presence—over and over, until things land in the right place.
  
  

It’s Not About Taking Over

Good advocacy doesn’t mean doing everything for someone.
It means staying close enough to know what they need—and creating space for their voice to matter.

Sometimes that means speaking firmly and clearly. Sometimes it means sitting quietly while they cry. Sometimes it means reminding them, gently but firmly, that it’s okay to ask for more.

Even when you’re scared. Even when you’re unsure. Even when the system feels enormous.

What matters most is that they feel supported, seen and heard– not bulldozed, not silenced. 

Don’t Forget to Take Care of You

Supporting someone you love through a health challenge takes a toll.

It’s not selfish to feel overwhelmed, to cry in your car, or to need a place to let it all out.
It’s human. I did remember crying after that macaroni and cheese day.

If you’re carrying too much, there’s a place you can lay it down.

At HOLD, we offer confidential listening appointments—not therapy, not coaching, but a safe space to talk, cry, process, or just breathe. No judgment. No advice unless you ask. Just calm, comfort, and clarity in the middle of the storm.

➡️ Book a session now and let someone support you for a change.

Want to Build More Confidence for These Moments?

I created the course Listen Your Way to Deeper Connections because communication isn’t just about what you say—it’s about what you hear, how you respond, and what you choose to do when things get hard.

Inside, you’ll find a full module on speaking up, managing your emotions while advocating, and how to stay centered—even when the moment feels shaky.

If you want practical, grounded skills that build your confidence as a listener and an advocate, this course is a beautiful next step.

➡️ Check out the course.