Health Advocacy—How to Speak Up for Someone You Love

Part 2 of a 2-part series on speaking up for yourself and the people you love

Prefer to listen to this blog in my voice? The audio player is just above.

It started with a hospital tray.

My ex-husband has a rare genetic condition called MCAD. His body doesn’t process fat for energy like most people, which means his diet isn’t a preference—it’s essential.

During one hospital stay, his meal arrived.

Every single item on the tray was high in fat.

Not one thing on the plate was safe for him to eat. I remember staring at the macaroni and cheese, feeling that mix of disbelief and frustration rise in my chest.

We knew his dietary needs. The hospital had been told. And still, the message hadn’t made it through.

I remember the moment clearly—not just what was on the tray, but the feeling underneath it. The exhaustion of having to say it again. The weight of knowing it mattered. The fear of whether I could get it corrected before a medical emergency occurred.

And the quiet question that always follows in those moments:
How do I speak so they hear me?

When Speaking Up Isn’t Easy

Advocating for someone you love sounds straightforward—until you’re in the room.

There are people in scrubs moving quickly. There’s information coming at you faster than you can process it. There’s an unspoken pressure not to disrupt, not to offend, not to slow things down.

And underneath all of that, there’s emotion.

Concern. Fatigue. Sometimes fear.

Even when you know something isn’t right, it can still feel hard to say it out loud.

What Advocacy Really Looks Like

Advocacy isn’t about being loud or confrontational.

It’s about staying present long enough to notice when something doesn’t feel right—and being willing to say something about it.

Sometimes that looks like asking a simple question when the room feels rushed.

Sometimes it looks like saying, “Can you explain that again?” even when you worry it might sound repetitive.

Sometimes it looks like pausing the moment entirely, just to make sure the person you love is truly being considered in what’s happening next.

It’s not about taking over.

It’s about making sure they’re not lost in the process.

Why It Gets Missed

In high-pressure environments, things move quickly. Systems are designed for efficiency, not always for nuance.

And when something important gets overlooked, it’s rarely intentional.

But that doesn’t make it less important.

I learned, over time, that if I didn’t speak up, there was a good chance no one else would catch it.

So I adapted.

I started bringing a written list of approved foods. I handed it to the admitting nurse. I asked for it to be added to his chart immediately. Sometimes it worked seamlessly. Sometimes I had to repeat it more than once.

But I never regretted speaking up.

Because those moments mattered.

The Emotional Side of Advocacy

What people don’t always see is the internal experience of advocating.

It’s not just about asking questions or giving information.

It’s about managing yourself while you do it.

Staying calm when you feel frustrated. Staying clear when you feel overwhelmed. Staying steady when the person you love is vulnerable in front of you.

If you’ve ever been in a moment where emotions were rising and communication started to break down, you’re not alone. That experience is explored more here:https://www.hearingoutlifedrama.com/blog/difficult-conversations

Because advocacy is communication—and communication involves emotion.

A Few Things to Help 

In moments like this, it’s easy to feel like you need to say the right thing.

You don’t.

What helps more is having something steady to come back to.

Sometimes that’s remembering what matters most to the person you’re supporting—what they would want if things felt a little clearer.

Sometimes it’s simply slowing the moment down. Taking a breath before you respond instead of reacting right away.

Sometimes it’s saying, “Let me make sure I’m understanding,” and repeating back what you heard—just enough to catch anything that might have been missed.

And sometimes it’s as simple as writing things down, because when emotions are high, details don’t always stick.

None of this is complicated.

But in those moments, it can make all the difference.

When No One Speaks Up

I’ve sat with people who left medical experiences feeling unseen.
They were discharged too soon. Given information they didn’t understand. Talked over, or quietly dismissed.

In fast-moving systems, things get missed. The pace takes over, and space for the person can quietly disappear.

That kind of experience stays with people.
Sometimes longer than the medical event itself.

And that’s where advocacy matters most.
Not in perfection—but in presence.

It’s Not About Doing It Perfectly

There will be moments where you second-guess yourself.
Moments where you wonder if you said too much—or not enough.
Moments where you’re tired of having to say it again.

That’s okay. Keep doing what matters.

Advocacy isn’t one moment.
It’s a series of small, steady choices to stay engaged.
To notice.
To speak.
To stay.

Don’t Forget About You

Supporting someone through a medical experience takes a toll.

There are moments you hold it together in the room—and then feel it all later.

In the car. At home. In the quiet.

That’s not weakness.

That’s the weight of caring.

If you’re carrying more than you can comfortably hold, you don’t have to do that alone.

At HOLD, we offer a calm, confidential space where you can talk through what you’re holding—without needing to filter, fix, or explain it.

https://www.hearingoutlifedrama.com/book-online

And if you want to feel more steady and confident in moments like these, I also offer a course called Listen Your Way to Deeper Connections. It’s a practical, grounded way to strengthen how you show up in conversations—especially when the stakes feel high. It includes specifics on how to speak up. Wishing you all the best.

Written by Deb Porter, founder of HOLD | Hearing Out Life Drama—a space for calm, confidential listening and real emotional clarity.