How to Actually Support a Friend with Anxiety

I have a friend who sometimes says:
"I'm having an anxiety day."

She trusts me enough to tell me that. She doesn’t expect me to solve it or make it go away. She just wants me to be there. And over time, I’ve learned that support isn’t about fixing. It’s about presence.

I’m not saying I always get it right. None of us do. But I’ve learned some very practical, compassionate ways to show up when someone I care about is anxious—and I’d love to share them with you.

Because the truth is, most of us want to be the friend who listens. We just don’t always know how.

Start by trusting what they’re telling you

If your friend says they’re feeling anxious, believe them.

They don’t need to explain it, justify it, or make it sound “bad enough.” Anxiety doesn’t always come with visible signs. And for people who live with it regularly, they may be used to hiding it well.

When you believe them the first time, you build trust. And when someone feels safe with you, they’re far more likely to reach out next time instead of going silent.

Try saying:
“I’m glad you told me.”
“That sucks.”

Avoid saying:
“It’s not that bad.”
“You’re just overthinking.”
“Try not to worry so much.”

None of those help. In fact, they usually make the person feel worse—for having anxiety and for telling you about it.

Offer presence, not pressure

You don’t need to have the right words. You don’t need a list of solutions. You don’t even need to say much at all.

Most people with anxiety aren’t looking for answers. They’re looking for someone to be with them while the wave passes.

Your presence matters more than your performance.

Some things that help:

• Sitting beside them without filling the silence
  
  
• Asking, “Would it help to talk, or do you just want company?”
  
  
• Saying, “You don’t have to explain. I’m just here.”
  
  

You don’t have to understand everything about anxiety to be helpful. You just have to be kind.

Understand what makes it worse

It’s tempting to try to talk someone out of anxiety. To say things like, “Just breathe” or “Think positive.” But anxiety isn’t always logical—and hearing these things can actually increase shame or make someone feel unseen.

Avoid giving unsolicited advice unless they ask for it. That includes suggesting yoga, supplements, deep breathing, or cutting out caffeine. All of those might help—but in the moment, what usually helps most is not being told what to do.

Also be mindful not to rush them. When someone is anxious, they might move slower, speak less, or need more time to respond. Let them have that space.

Anxiety needs room—not a timer.

Help with small, concrete things

If your friend is open to support, practical help can go a long way. Instead of asking a vague, “Let me know if you need anything,” try offering something simple and specific.

Here are a few examples:

• “Want me to come sit with you for a bit?”
  
  
• “Would it help if I called and stayed on the phone while you did that thing?”
  
  
• “I’m picking up groceries—can I grab something for you?”
  
  

You don’t have to fix the big thing. Just help lighten the small ones.

Know When to Suggest Deeper Support

There may be times when your friend needs more than you can offer—and more than HOLD can offer, too.

HOLD is designed to support emotional relief in the moment, not to treat or diagnose anxiety disorders. If your friend’s anxiety is ongoing, persistent, or interfering with daily life, professional mental health support may be the best next step.

You might say something like:

• “Have you ever talked with a therapist about this? I know sometimes it helps to have someone who’s trained in anxiety.”
  
  
• “I’ve been noticing that this has been going on for a while.  Have you thought about finding a professional…would you like my help finding one?”
  
  

If your friend simply needs a place to vent, cry, or think out loud—without being diagnosed or given advice—a HOLD listening appointment might be a safe first step.

It won’t treat anxiety, but it will help them feel less alone.

Click here to gift or book a HOLD listening appointment.

One More Thing About Trust

If your friend opens up to you about anxiety, treat that as sacred. Don’t share it with others unless they’ve asked you to. Don’t use it as a reason to tiptoe around them. And don’t disappear just because you’re afraid of “saying the wrong thing.”

Your friendship doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful. It just has to be real.

You Don’t Have to Be the Hero

Supporting someone with anxiety doesn’t mean carrying them.

Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can do is say:
“I don’t know what to say, but I’m staying with you.”

There is a quiet strength in being the friend who listens.
Not the one who fixes.
Not the one who saves the day.
Just the one who doesn’t walk away.

That’s the friend we all need.
That’s the friend you can be.