Permission to Be Joyful: Why We Often Reject Joy (and What Happens When We Let It In)

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Yesterday, during my morning routine, after listening to my air conditioner app, I was enjoying a few minutes of Abraham Hicks. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular.

But then it hit me.

“You have not yet given yourself permission to let what you want be your dominant vibration.”

The moment I heard it, something inside me clanged. Like a bell ringing in truth. It stopped me completely. I reached for my pen and wrote it down:

I have not yet given myself permission to let what I want be my dominant vibration.

And then I asked myself, “What do I really want?”

The answer came immediately.

I want joy.

Energy flooded through me, letting me know that was right. Not more work, not more approval, not even more ease.

Just joy.

The Subtle Resistance to Joy

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? Wanting joy?

But for many of us, joy isn’t something we feel permission to pursue—let alone live in. We’ve learned how to cope, how to work harder, how to hold it together. We’ve learned to be kind and to be useful. We’ve even learned to be calm.

But joyful?

That can feel different.

Joy can feel indulgent, fleeting, or even unsafe—especially if you’ve lived through grief, trauma, or long seasons of pain. It can feel like a setup. If you let yourself feel it, what if it disappears? What if it was never safe to feel it in the first place?

But here’s what I know now: joy isn’t something you earn. It’s not something you chase.

It’s something you allow.

Emotional Permission: Starting Where You Are

When I wrote down what I wanted—joy—I didn’t suddenly feel joyful. I was actually feeling frustrated, even a little pessimistic. I knew I wasn’t going to jump from that place all the way to joy.

That’s not how it works.

What I could do was get honest with myself. I could ask, “What am I feeling right now?” and then gently reach for a thought that felt a little better.

I could think, “This feels hard today,” and follow it with, “But I’m doing my best.” That felt a little softer. A little lighter.

Then maybe: “There’s still time today for something good to happen.”

That was enough to shift me just a few degrees—toward a place where joy might visit later.

And it did.

Later that day, I found myself laughing. Lighter.

That’s what it means to allow joy.

What Happens When We Don’t Allow It

When we block joy, it doesn’t disappear forever. It just waits.

But if we consistently push it down—because we don’t think we deserve it, because someone else is suffering, or because we’re afraid it will go away—we begin to lose sight of it.

We pinch it off.

And over time, we can become numb to joy—not because we don’t want it, but because we stopped allowing it. Some of us may even forget that it was ever safe.

Even so, we can find our way back.

I’ve watched myself scroll past joy, turn away from it, dismiss it. I’ve watched others do the same.

And I’ve also seen what happens when we let it back in.

Letting Joy Lead

What if joy was the starting point?

What if instead of asking, “What should I do today?” you asked, “What would bring me joy today?”

Not in a big, dramatic way. Just something small.

A stretch. A song. A walk. A text to someone you love. A piece of chocolate eaten slowly. Five minutes of stillness.

For me, it’s tulips this year.

I have a raised bed in my yard that used to have strawberries—delicious but tiny—and they often got eaten by birds and rabbits. My sister tried tomatoes next, but those didn’t thrive either.

So this fall, we decided: color.

We spent an afternoon scrolling through tulip varieties—there are so many—and placed an order that made us both a little giddy. Every time I think about those tulips blooming next spring, it brings me joy.

And that’s the kind of joy I want to say yes to more often.

When I let joy lead, something in me opens.

I remember who I really am—not the list-maker, the fixer, the helper—but the part of me that came here to feel alive.

And from that place, I can listen.

To myself. To the world. To others.

Because joy and presence go hand in hand.

Practicing Joy Without Pressure

Allowing joy doesn’t mean pretending everything’s fine.

It doesn’t mean being cheerful all the time or forcing a smile.

It means making room for joy—even in small ways.

It might be pausing to notice sunlight hitting your coffee mug.

It might be allowing yourself to laugh, even after a hard conversation.

It might be crying and feeling grateful in the same moment.

And yes—sometimes it might be laughing at a chicken purse.

If you enjoy finding joy in unexpected places (and want to hear the full chicken purse story), feel free to email me at [email protected] . I’m always happy to share.

Because joy doesn’t demand perfection.

It just asks for permission.

Joy as a Frequency

Abraham Hicks teaches that our emotions are guidance—signposts. Our job isn’t to force ourselves to the top of the emotional scale, but to reach for the next better-feeling thought from wherever we are.

If I want joy to be my dominant vibration, I have to notice when I’m not in it—without judgment—and then gently redirect.

What thought feels just a little better?

Sometimes I know it immediately. Sometimes I turn to a friend. Lately, I’ve even used ChatGPT to help me find a thought that feels better.

There are so many ways back to joy.

You only need to find yours.

Moving Forward

If joy has felt out of reach, you’re not alone. Many of us have learned to prioritize everything else.

But this week, I’m starting here:

I give myself permission to let joy be my dominant vibration.

It might last ten seconds or ten minutes. But even that is something.

You don’t have to chase joy.

You just have to let it in.

Right where you are.
Right now.

And if it feels too hard to find that next better-feeling thought on your own, HOLD is here for that.

We offer confidential listening appointments with a trained, compassionate professional. No advice. No judgment. Just space to exhale and reconnect with yourself.

Sometimes, feeling heard is the first step back to joy.

Learn more and book a confidential session here:
https://www.hearingoutlifedrama.com/book-online

Written by Deb Porter, founder of HOLD | Hearing Out Life Drama—a space for calm, confidential listening and real emotional clarity.